Sorry, this week is a rerun....

There won't be a new rant this week. I got alot going on and if I force myself to write something just for the blog it will be shittier than the last 3 issues have been (I mean they were really bad) I'll post a double issue sometime next week.

To fill your need of my crappy writing here is the very first issue of the rant ever written:

Orginally posted 2/14/2002


What I am going talk about is September 11th, 2001. On September 11th something happened that America didn’t see coming… Emmanuelle Lewis star of TV’s Webster died of a heart attack at the tender age of 35. To his friends Lewis was known as a “prankster”, a little man with a big heart. A heart so big it almost exploded, then he died.

Mannie, as his friends call him, didn’t let fame go to his large, misshapen head. Mannie went through life as loving every minute, not mad that he was a little man who couldn’t get laid even if he paid a five-dollar whore. No, Mannie took every card he was dealt and played them till he lost all his money. Sure no one remembers his television show and no body gave a damn about him when it was out, but let us remember that little man. He lives on in all our hearts. I am sure many of you have seen his Denny’s commercial; he was a man who was always willing to make fun of himself. I mean there was so much to make fun of: the dwarfism, the television show, and the homosexuality. We are not going to judge him, sure he was called the “masked rider” in the large, underground gay orgies of Hollywood. Every time I hear the name “Emmanuelle Lewis”, I smile and remember the good times and the bad . I think some famous person who I can’t seem to remember said it best “Life sucks then you die” Yup, you die.

~Shabadu

Emmanuel Lewis
3/9/1971 - 9/11/2001*






*not really dead

The most important time in history is now, the present

This week I spend a lot of time on an issue I don’t really care about…..

I can’t believe it’s over. The Simpsons began in 1989; I was a small boy at the tender age of six about to seven. I can honestly say no show has affected my life more than the Simpsons. I know 100 million people will say the very same thing. I don’t think back when I was six about to seven that anyone knew what the Simpsons would become. From the middle of its third season to the episode before the god awful Kid Rock episode, The Simpsons was the funniest thing to ever be on television. This is not debatable. I’m not going to say the show sucks now or that they should have ended 5 years ago. I never want it to end, it’s The Simpsons! It’s been on for almost my entire life! Seeing the show end would be like losing a sibling. I haven’t watched any new episodes regularly in 3 seasons, but I still buy the classics on DVD and I’ll watch the random rerun of the day. (When the hell is Nick at Nite going to pay the big bucks to get The Simpsons? Do they not see how awesome that would be? Is Fox holding onto it for dear life or is it just too expensive? I can’t do another all-nighter of George Lopez. Get on it Nick!) I do think the quality of the show has dropped with each passing season. It’s hard to be fresh when you have been on for 20 years. The Simpsons has been on so long people my age are writing for it now. So now the biggest thing influences the humor on The Simpsons IS The Simpsons. Good comedy does this not make. While it is still one of the funniest shows on TV, The Simpsons episodes feel they are spoofing themselves. With the emergence of Family Guy’s reference a minute with no real jokes humor you can see the Simpsons trying to play catch up. Just because I remember Glow-Worms does not make it funny to show one on TV for 30 seconds. (I am not a fan of Family Guy, but that’s another MUCH, MUCH longer more belligerent rant. I think South Park really summed up my problems with Family Guy)

I’m trying to say goodbye to The Simpsons. This is my goodbye. I am one of the people who believe that the Grimey episode was the exact moment the show lost its innocence. I don’t think this started the quality decline, but it definitely became a meaner show after that. Bart was always a bad kid, but he always did the right thing in the end. Homer was always an idiot, but at least no body died, well until Grimey. (SPOILERS) This week it was announced that Marge Simpson will be in the November Issue of Playboy supposedly nude. I would just like to say thank you for officially ending my childhood.

I have watched this show since I was fucking six years old! Marge Simpson is like a second mother to me. I have spent the last 20 years getting to know this character and trust me Marge Simpson would never pose for Playboy. That doesn’t matter. There is money to be made and now people are talking about The Simpsons like when Ghost Dad came out. It’s good press. Hell it’s even going to help Playboy sell one magazine so someone can put the pictures on the Internet for the rest of us. I don’t want to sound like Old Man Bitter, but I’m really old and bitter about this! After I buy this issue the magic will be gone. I won’t see Marge the same ever again. When I look at her doing Marge things in an episode I’m only going to picture her naked and touch myself. This is different than all the poorly drawn incest filled images you can easily find on Google. This shits for real. Fuck you, Fox. You’ve killed my childhood yet again. I didn’t think it was possible after Freaky Links. Kudos.

In other news….

Have we gotten so desperate to sell print media that Playboy has to resort to printing cartoon characters? Back when I was a columnist for a major newspaper I predicted the death of print media. I never thought print pornography would suffer. I mean men will still need things to read in the bathroom? How much real damage has the iphone done? If Hugh Hefner is desperate then I fear for all our futures.

Picture of the Week



Next Week: I'll write something good for change