The One About an Idea

Okay so let me get this out of the way now. YES! This is the second issue this week, and I plan to make this a twice a week thing now. Adjust your calendars accordingly.

Okay so I just had maybe the best idea you have ever heard. Are you ready?

Hobbit Porn.

Shit yes I said Hobbit Porn. People think pornography exploits the women in the films, but in reality it exploits the men who purchase these films alone at 3 am. I mean sure the girl behind the counter is moderately attractive, but you clearly have no chance with her. SHE IS SELLING YOU PORN! She knows what you are about to do, or what you just did in that room with the light in the back of the store. She likes to look at you with her judging eyes, judging you, but even she knows that porn is a big business. Porn is the reason Beta Max lost to VHS and soon it will decide if Blu Ray or HD-DVD will be the new standard format. Because who the hell wants a DVD player that can’t play porn? Hobbit Porn is my ticket into the biz; it will make me a major player in the lucrative pornography game. Mel Gibson alone made half a billion in 2004. AND THAT WAS FROM JUST ONE MOVIE! Hobbit porn has mega hit written in semen all over it.

You see Hobbit Porn is porn involving the lovable little guys created by Peter Jackson in his award winning miniseries “The Lord of the Rings”. Hobbits are short lovable creatures that love rings, food, mischief and marijuana. These characters are so damn likable that I would imagine they are pretty hot while having sex. It is that hotness that I plan to film in the back of my SUV and give to the world. As I said early this week I plan to get more involved with gay porn ( wow that sounded gay), and at its heart Hobbit Porn is two very small men having sex with each other and maybe some type of large bird. So be ready, soon my new Hobbit porn will be the next big thing.

Be ready for “Share the Load”

In other news...

As I write this Boy Meets World is on the Disney Channel. I use to enjoy this show when I was the same age as Corey. When he went to High School I went to Middle School. When he went to College I went to High School. It was these college years that I stopped liking Boy Meets World. Corey Mathews turned into the biggest douche on ABC; and this was when Michael Eisner was still around. IF SHAWN DOESN’T WANT TO READ HIS POEMS IN PUBLIC RESPECT THAT YOU WHINEY BITCH! Also what the fuck was up with Mr. Feenie working at the college they went to after working at the high school they went to after working at the elementary school they went to. Smells like a pedophile that can't move on to me.

Talking Points

ESPN fired Jason Whitlock this week and I am very sad. Jason Whitlock is one of the few people who worked for the world leader that wasn’t afraid to talk shit about it. Tony Kornheiser does it a lot, but he is untouchable. Jason criticized Scoop Jackson and Mike Lupica in a recent interview and this lead to his termination from the network and it’s web site. I have been a fan of Jason for around 4 years now and like him I miss when Hunter S. Thompson and Ralph Wiley wrote for ESPN.com’s “Page 2”. Both these men are no longer with the living world and with Jason gone “Page 2” isn’t the same site I originally fell in love with. Thankfully I still have Bill Simmons.

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The Return of Something No One Missed

This week we remember when Joe use to be funny.

Okay, let me start of by answering the question that is on both of your minds. YES, I am drunk and YES I did leave you hanging without the gem for a good while. Let me just say that I am sorry I had to get drunk to bring back the Rant. I'm going to try to do this different from the last two incarnations. Firstly, I am going to try and do this one a week. In the 4 years I have been doing this it has never been weekly and irony be damned this version will be. Secondly, this will be the first version outside of a BCP site. While this is still a Battle Circus Production (www.battlecircus.net); there is no real "BCP" website for original content. We have found our voice as the greatest forum known to God (www.battlecircus.net/phpBB2) and that's the main BCP attraction.

So I am going to bring back "Shabadu the Weekly Rant" on this here blog. Personally I think that this is my biggest sellout to date. I mean a fucking blog?! Even my diabetic one legged uncle has one of these. He also has a drinking problem and a thing for 11 year-olds, but the 11 year old fetish isn't genetic apparently (She told me she was 14. I mean who am I to call someone a liar, I told her I was 16). This blog is the best way I can think of for me to keep writing Weekly Rant and for no one to ever read it.

So this is a new beginning for "Weekly Rant", but a lot of the same old crap. Jokes at my own expense and jokes about raping teenage girls are sure to keep you satisfied. Not to mention all the gay porn I'm gonna post, if pop culture has taught me anything it's that gay guys love gay porn. I need to reach out to every demographic so I can get fancy endorsements.

In other news...

Gay people can't get married. Am I the only person who things that this is the greatest thing ever? Apparently not everyone agrees with me and they think that Gay's should have the same rights as every American. Even powerful celeb couples are saying they won't tie the not until homosexuals are allowed too. Fuck them and fuck gay marriage.

Recently I have been getting a lot of email about my thoughts on the War in Iraq. Before the war I said I was for going in and taking oil and that I hope we keep our army there for at least 10 years to teach the rest of that region a lesson. It appears that the rest of the region isn't listening to our bullets. Iran has only gotten stronger and for some reason some guy in Veneswayla (I think that's how you spell it, I'm not in the business of spelling the names of countries not named U.S.A.) is calling our president the Devil. What this means is that we had to invade the Middle East to prove our point to South America. This has to be the biggest fuck up in US history. WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT SOUTH AMERICA?! I mean it's fucking badass to be called the devil, but by people in South America? This war was a huge mistake. Vinesswayla only gives us 10% of our oil and who gets gas at Citgo anyway?

Talking Points

So I am getting shitty hours at the Alley. And by shitty I mean that I work 2 days a week; and it's been like this for the past month. I got my friend's Javier and James a job there and on the days I work with them I have a great time. Javier is the same asshole who got me a job at Smoothie King and quit the same month. I get my revenge on him by giving him the best job he could ever have and he repays me showing up to work every day and on time. JESUS CHRIST I HATE HIM. If I hadn't got him the job at the Alley there would be more hours for me to work. In honor of how much I hate him this section will no longer be about my job or my hate for Javier Ramos. When I figure out what will become of Talking Points I'll be the first to know.

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