It has been a crazy month for you humble correspondent. I have had a birthday, a coma, and a “hopefully” curable STD, but the biggest thing in my lifeis that I am about to venture into cable news. Fox News is one of the most watched channels in the US and I need to get my name and face on a basic cable channel so I can get even more endorsements. (Don’t forget that if you have a flat Dr. Fixit Cans Fixit!) So in order to take over the world a little faster I just hired a new publicist, Michael Richards. Recently Kosmo Kramer has been in the news a lot and had officially declared himself as the greatest publicist ever. Mr. Richards was a has-been TV Star and now he is on News channels more than Nancy “look at my nose” Grace. Hell, he even got Al Sharpton on Larry King! Kramer has shown to me that he has what it takes to get me exposed.
Unless you have been living under a rock or Iraq the past month you have seen Michael Richards standup that was caught on camera where he said some things to a couple of men in the audience who had been “heckling” poor Kosmo. Kramer then went into the funniest bit to ever be seen on stage. It was such a hit that he landed an appearance on Letterman the very next night. I can’t wait for him get his own show on Comedy Central; it will be called “Uncle Kramer’s Kitchen”. It will be a faux cooking show where he gets his buddies in comedy like Jerry Seinfeld, the white hared guy who has been milking his guest stint on Seinfeld for the past decade and maybe that Soup Nazi guy to stop by and cook with him. The Kitchen will only be the setting between laugh heavy skits about current events and that pure craziness the Kosmo name brings to comedy. I can see it now being packaged with Mind of Mencia as the hardest hitting hour of comedy. Never before has there been a comedian like Mencia who told it like it was and said what he thought about different races. Now with Kramer in his own hard hitting sketch comedy show Comedy Central has something to compete with UPN’s Monday nights! Don’t forget Seinfeld Season 7 is out now on DVD!
In other news…
“Life sucks and then you die” the motto of my life. Recently there has been more suck then ever, and I am getting even sicker of it. Usually something shitty happens to me and I bitch about it here. I am no longer content with complaining about the shittiness of my great and wonderful existence, I am going to do something about it. I am going to finally take the next step in my life. I am going to take the step that will make my life worth living and hopefully change my life’s motto. I am going move Weekly Rant from Eblogger to its own site. I am sure that you my loyal readers have seen the horrible spelling, grammar, and formatting errors that have been present in the new issues of “Weekly Rant”. All of these errors are the fault of Eblogger and its overall shittiness. Yes, that is the second time I have said shittiness and yes that was the third. That is how shitty eblogger is. I try to make this the best experience on the internet for my readers and dawg gonnit im tryin. This is a new beginning for “Weekly Rant.” (If you have been keeping count, this is number 4). Be ready for a full website devoted to me and an archive of every rant I have ever written. It will be a glorious site and you will visit it and love me for making it. Also it will have free porn. Tell your friends.
Talking Points
Did you know that one in every five people will die without ever reading something I have written? Yes, I am not kidding. I have read the research and the studies. There are people who do not read things that I have written and it frightens me. To bring in more reader I am going to needlessly sell out and add a new feature to the Rant. I will now feature a user email section where I read and answer you’re emails. I will pick one a week and answer the question in a thoughtful and respectful way. I had fazed out Talking Points recently because I had nothing new to add to it because my job no longer sucks, and I am afraid of the people at it looking over my shoulder and reading what I am typing right now. So in it’s place will be this BRANK SPANKING NEW section….
The Shit You Send Me
Your emails keep me up at night…
Jeremy in Iraq writes:
hey joe- i just wanted to tell you happy b-day man. even though i am not there to hang ut with you guys i still think about yall. take care and have a good one. the arabian in the desert Jeremy
Well Jeremy first and foremost thank you for the warm words, I’ll be glad when you get back from spreading God’s will in Iraq. Godspeed…
Picture of the week
Next week I am going to make captain for sure!
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